The day I became selfish was the day I became slightly happier
I am full of these odd titles for blog posts these days, aren’t I? This one is a special one for me though. If anyone knew me, they would know that I am prone to anxiety and stress. University exam stress stole my appetite. I would become nauseous when I smelt a whiff of food. I would feel sick when I saw food on the television. I even gagged when I thought of food. I researched about this though and apparently, some people’s body deal with stress this way. I still relapse sometimes when I am put in a stressful situation. So now I know that stress = no food. But anyway, for such a long time I would always project my energy outwards (which by the way is hell for an introvert like me). I would always focus on what I should do rather than what I wanted. It got to the point where I didn’t even know what I wanted for myself anymore. I became a carbon copy of what people expected of me. But then something happened…
Around April this year, I applied for an internship all the way in London. I got invited for an interview and shortly afterwards, I was accepted onto the programme. I am from the North of England, nowhere near London. My mother was a bit apprehensive and didn’t like the idea of me moving out so far away. If I listened to my mother, I wouldn’t have experienced all the things that I did and I don’t think I would have got my current position without that experience. I suppose I became selfish and listened to what I wanted and it paid off.
That was just one example but I started incorporating ‘selfishness’ into my everyday life now. I started yoga and started running regularly again. I mute my phone regularly and opt to spend time with myself. I don’t check into social media as often as say two months ago. I started making decisions about how I want to spend money and where I want my career to head. I even started planning a holiday on my own. Yes, that’s right. I am planning on going on a quick trip by myself. Why? Because people (friends) are unreliable. They say one thing but mean another. They have their own agenda. I love them but we are all busy with ourselves, I doubt anyone would have time to fulfil what I want i.e. explore a country in Europe. Hmm… who knows, maybe I will persuade my sister.
What I am saying is that I feel a bit happier now that I started calling all the shots. When I say be selfish, I don’t mean it detrimentally. I mean it as in look at you first. Fulfil your needs, desires, wants. Don’t let people take that away from you. Practise yoga, relax your muscles, and relax your mind. Take care of you and the rest will be taken care of.